Category Archives: Marriage

On Marriage and Accepting Love


My husband and I recently went to an intensive marriage seminar (put on by Family Dynamics Institute) specifically designed for marriages that are in crisis.  (Ours has been “in crisis” since last September)  It was a great seminar that I would recommend to anyone whose marriage is struggling.

One crucial thing that I realized at the seminar is that I have a really hard time accepting love.

I guess I didn’t just realize this at the seminar…I actually wrote a guest post a couple of months ago for about the difficulty of being the one “on the mat” (referring to the Bible story about the man whose friends carried him to Jesus on a mat).  Click here to read it.

What I did realize at the seminar is how much that issue has negatively affected my marriage.

Tell me if you can relate to this…
My husband plans a date night for the two of us.  It’s not necessarily fancy. Just dinner out, but without the kids.  My first thought is not, ‘how nice that he loves me and wants to spend time with me.’  No, my first thought is…say it with me now…’he wants sex.’

Or how about this one…
My husband says, “What do you want for your birthday?” I give him a list, although I’m wishing that he didn’t need a list, and just knew what I would want.  Then when I get the gift, and others say, “how thoughtful”, I’m thinking, ‘No, I had to tell him what to get.  If I have to tell him what to get, then it doesn’t mean as much.’

When that’s my attitude, I completely sabotage our relationship.  I’m not allowing my husband to love me, either because his loving act doesn’t look exactly like I think it should, or because I have assumptions about his intentions.  That’s not fair.
  • Maybe he takes me out to dinner because he actually enjoys my company.
  • Maybe he does want sex…which, in marriage, is a good thing.
  • Maybe he asks me what I want for my birthday because he really wants me to enjoy my special day.
  • Maybe he actually loves me…maybe he’s not full of hidden motives and motivations.
  • Maybe I can’t accept his love because I don’t believe I’m actually worthy of it.  
I’m learning…slowly…but I’m learning.
Can you relate?